Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive

I am still alive. Kind of. The wedding plans are going swimmingly, but my bills are eating me alive. I just found a "surprise, you were supposed to start repaying your loans in May" bill, which is disheartening. I really need to find a full-time job.

The good news is, I have good friends, good family. And good God.


p.s. Be on the lookout for a wedding blog launch in the next week...

Love Is in the Air, Everywhere I Look around

I'm engaged! To Michael Brockhaus! More details to come--it's been a bit of a whirlwind. A nice whirlwind though, with sparkles.

Last Day of Acquisitions

This is my last day of being the Acquisitions person at the library. It's kind of sad; I have enjoyed working in the back office and being the book shepherd and invoice manager! It was fun to set my own schedule and be self-directed in my work for a while, along with being a nice, calm way to end my last year at seminary. Fortunately I still have a job! I will be working at the front desk in the library again as of next week. And for this I am thankful.

Happy Memorial Day weekend, everybody. Peace.

Potential KC Adventures

I like to go on adventures when I'm out and about. Sometimes it's as small as taking a different route on the drive home/to the store/to the coffee, and sometimes it's as big as, well, wandering in Israel. Loved ones humor my flightiness and sometimes even participate! For instance, Michael took me to a Cake concert the week before finals at the Crossroads KC at Grinders--new venue and new concert experience FTW! It was fantastic. We were three people back from the stage!

I was doing some online wandering today and came across some Kansas City adventures that looked like fun. I have to credit the Pitch for most of these, along with other people who do an annual "Best of" list.

Wyandotte County Lake Park for rambunctious jogging
Cliff Drive for scenic walking/jogging/cycling (car-free on weekends)
Black Coffee in downtown KC for "Between the Sheets" drink
Super Flea for thrift store rummaging
Indigo Wild for sweet-smelling body/home care products (and puppies!)
Velvet Creme Popcorn for creatively-flavored treats
Paradise India for delicious foods
Skillet Licker Cafe for "Hot Lil' Doughnuts" and diabetic coma
39th Street Community Farmer's Market for local goods

I think I'll check the last one out tonight. Let me know if any of you go to one of these places, or have been there before!

Nap & Gown: Or, How I Graduated from Seminary

Well, it's done. I officially have a Masters of Divinity!

Graduation was on Mother's Day, about a week ago, and I am just now coming out of the post-school-year fog. Finals week was pretty overwhelming, and I had to do an all-nighter on Wednesday to get everything turned in on time, but I was able to finish well and enjoy the weekend's festivities.

On Friday we had graduation practice (Dr. Hahn told us how to hold our hoods) and an alumni lunch, which was fun. They gave us a stack of free books and a nice little sandwich to eat while we were encouraged not to forget the institution where we earned our degrees (as if we could). Then they led us through an alumni induction liturgy, which included singing (of course) and walking through the hallway where they keep all the former NTS class pictures. It was pretty meaningful, and I had a chance to catch up with Heather Bryant (former roommate, now at EUNC in Germany) and Dana Preusch (a former pastor).

Saturday morning my parents came up to go to the graduate chapel service at NTS. I led the congregational singing (always a barrel of monkeys) with Dr. Noble at the organ. He was one of three professors who came on the Israel trip--Dr. Hahn and Dr. Benefiel were the other two. My first year here I had Dr. Noble in Systematic Theology I, during which I sat in the front row with my theological dictionary, frantically writing down as much of his lectures as I possibly could. I enjoyed the class so much that I took three more in subsequent semesters. I also really enjoyed the two classes I had with Dr. Hahn, and hope someday to sit in one of Dr. Benefiel's courses. But I digress. One of the neat things they planned for the chapel service was sort of a "testimony time" where graduates could come up to the mike and say thank you to people who had enabled their seminary survival. My main thank-yous went to my parents, Michael, Drs. Keith and Judi Schwanz, Dr. Hardy, and some close spiritual friends. The only thing we didn't do that I wish we had was have the profs come and do a "laying on of hands" with the graduates. The various gatherings during the graduation weekend were a nice rite of passage, but the sending element was missing. Maybe it's because I just did a big study of the book of Acts, but I feel this is important. I also feel strongly about lunch, which we ate at Avenues after the service. Mmm.

Saturday night was the big banquet in downtown KC. It was held at a nice, old venue, and the food was good. But my favorite part was the speaker, Dr. Spaulding. Picture a tall southern man with an accent and a humorous philosophical bent towards life. I had two classes with him and loved every minute of them. We (parents and manfriend) had great company at our table, and I enjoyed chattering on with Mike Coblentz and Darin and Autumn Scholl, some relatively recent friends that Michael and I have been getting to know better.


Sunday was pretty surreal. In the morning we visited KC First Church of the Nazarene for their "graduation service", where my very smart friend Josh Johnson (also a graduate) preached the sermon. It was great. If I'm still around this fall I may take the Hebrew course he's teaching. After the service we enjoyed some Japanese food and then went home for a quick nap and gown-ironing. Then it was off to First Church again for Commencement! They herded all the grads into a side room for about 45 minutes before the service. Apparently there was some concern about graduate students' ability to get in a proper line. I wandered around and enjoyed chatting with other graduates and friends from the Israel trip, and managed to catch Aimee as she came in the back door! She helped me get my hat fixed (why do they have to be so awkward?). Then it was time to go in...weird feeling. It's so formal to walk in long lines of people dressed exactly--and strangely--like you. My gown made me feel fluffy and I was afraid I would carry my hood in the wrong spot and they would end up putting it on me backwards or upside down or something. I don't remember too much of the ceremony itself, except for walking across the stage to shake hands with Dr. Benefiel, accepting my diploma, and being hooded by Dr. Hahn. The speaker was ok, but I was mostly just glad to be around friends and family when it was over. Mine and Michael's parents came, and Michael of course, along with Sherry, Gabe, Mary Ann, and Roger, Genie, Karla, and Aimee--there may have been more but that's who I saw while I was there! It's kind of a blur.


Sunday afternoon after the ceremony we went over to Michael's parents house in Overland Park for a party, which was awesome. It was so nice of everybody to come over--the aforementioned folks who came to graduation, along with Jonathan, Johanna, Jennifer, the Scholls, the Petersons (who came twice because they're nice!), Luke, the Fisks, Jeremy, and Gigi. It was a fun time with lots of tasty foods. Mine and Michael's parents worked hard to make it nice, and it was. I collapsed when it was all over. At least I think it's over. I may go into doctoral studies someday, but for now I am quite content to be graduated with my masters.

Thanks be to God.

I Want to Visit the Blue One

One of "Hubble's Greatest Hits".

Giving Birth

Graduating from seminary is like spiritual childbirth. I'm not going to register for anything or have showers thrown for me (nor do I want to!), but there are other similarities. I think Aimee taught me this when she told me she wanted to come to my graduation. I was surprised that anyone would want to, besides Michael and my parents, but it is logical in the sense that it has been a very important journey in my life the past four years. Thanks Aimee!

My classes this semester have been great, and surprisingly pertinent. My Isaiah module (2-week class at the beginning of the semester) helped prepare me for the Israel trip. My New Testament Evangelism course was a nice bookend to my degree and reminded me of the vibrancy of the early Church as the good news began to spread. It was also nice to reflect on Jesus' journey in the Gospels, which also helped prepare me for the Israel trip! And my Ministry of Spiritual Direction class also helped me see how a minister may act as a "spiritual midwife", assisting others in discerning how God is at work in their lives. This reminded me of the phrase, "May Christ be born in you," which is used in the Christmas season. I'm not sure where I'll be next week/month/year, but I feel very content and fulfilled about finishing seminary, and finishing well. The good news is that I know where I will be in the next 10 minutes. My mom and I are going hunting/gathering for a graduation dress. I have a few thrift-type stores I want to hit up. :)

I took this picture my first semester because I was so excited about the books and the learning. Still am, for some reason...what a geek.

Galilee Reflection

...And Him evermore I behold
Walking in Galilee,
Through the cornfield's waving gold,
In hamlet, in wood, and in wold,
By the shores of the Beautiful Sea.
He toucheth the sightless eyes;
Before Him the demons flee;
To the dead He sayeth: Arise!
To the living: Follow me!
And that voice still soundeth on
From the centuries that are gone,
To the centuries that shall be!
From all vain pomps and shows,
From the pride that overflows,
And the false conceits of men;
From all the narrow rules
And subtleties of Schools,
And the craft of tongue and pen;
Bewildered in its search,
Bewildered with the cry,
Lo, here! lo, there, the Church!
Poor, sad Humanity
Through all the dust and heat
Turns back with bleeding feet,
By the weary road it came,
Unto the simple thought
By the great Master taught,
And that remaineth still:
Not he that repeateth the name,
But he that doeth the will!

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Japan Church

You might as well know...

I had a phone interview with the pastor of a Nazarene church in Okinawa, Japan last night, and it went well. They are looking for someone to do music ministry and also some other pastoral ministry with adults on the side. I have a second interview on Saturday morning, via video conference, and would appreciate your prayers as we work through this process of discernment together.

As it turns out, I'm graduating!

Pic of the Day

Monday seems like a good day to break out the donkey photos...this is me on a Petra donkey, Indiana Jones style.

NTS Graduation: My Tale of Adventure

Last week I saw something in Target that stopped me in my tracks. Was it a retail leprechaun? Not this time.

It was the "Class of 2009" paraphernalia, and it applied to me.

However, I am at a loss for what to do for graduation this time. Do I purchase little cupcake sticks from Oriental Trading? Do I have a big party for family and friends? I know that my final four weeks are going to be a grueling race to the finish line, and then a sudden stop and collapse to the ground.

But then...breathing. And fun! I have a pleasure reading list of about 150 books I haven't had time to read but would like to. I am also really looking forward to the release that comes from knowing one has accomplished something substantial, like 90 hours of graduate school. FTW!

Occasionally I've taken flak for not being married and mass producing children, but I have been happy and at peace with my choices, and have listened to the voice of God whenever important decisions needed to be made. Most of you haven't heard me speak about this in detail, just a few very close--and patient--friends. So let me take a moment to do that now.

---------------------------------

Seminary has been hard. Very, very hard. The 90-hour MDiv program differs from other graduate programs in that it demands mental, emotional, psychological, AND spiritual accountability, almost all the time. It is exhausting, and lonely, and grueling, and impossible to relate to unless you've been there--thus the loneliness (am I right, Jeanne/Diane/Libby?). I'm really not trying to be dramatic about it, just honest. Were it not for some amazing and authentic friends I have made there, I would not have survived past the second year (you know who you are, I hope!). These people have consistently loved me, even in my darker moments, and genuinely shown interest in my life even when theirs were full too. They have served me, surprised me, laughed with me, challenged me, and sat in silence with me. It's the closest I've been to relating to the camerarderie of Jesus' disciples. They went through some heavy stuff, but there was always this hope which carried through.

But even more than this, I appreciate the perseverance and support of my parents, Loren and Steph, and my manfriend, Michael Brockhaus. I wouldn't have been at seminary at all without them, and it has been the most fulfilling and God-breathed experience of my life. Many times I haven't had much to give, yet they continued to love and serve me with tenacity. Thank you.

For all its struggles, seminary has also been a kind of miracle. I was never one of those people who always knew what they wanted to do when they grew up. I tried some things, like teaching elementary school music in my early 20s, but nothing seemed to "fit". I resigned said teaching job, even though it offered me financial stability, because I knew God had something better. And then Jeanne Damon invited me to audit a night class with her at seminary. I remember how uncertain I was when I walked into the building, not knowing that I would soon be living there for four years! But when I began to attend the class--Liberation Theology, of all things--it dawned on me that I belonged there, that seminary was my next step, even if I didn't know exactly what direction it would take me in. Most people say they had a call to ministry and then they decided to go to seminary, but it was different for me.

At first I felt called to seminary, but uncertain about ministry as a profession. It may sound strange, but initially it was my job to minister to people at NTS. I did my best to get to know the stories and needs of as many students, staff, and faculty members as I could. I encouraged the ones who were struggling, held accountable those who required it, and welcomed as many people as I could. After the first year the chaplain asked me to be his assistant, and that experience was the first at NTS which really began to shape my pastoral identity. I got to help plan and lead many different kinds of services (with prayer, music, Scripture readings, liturgy, sacraments, etc.), put my creativity into use, connect with pastors all over the world, and use my organizational skills to make our ministry more effective and efficient. Along with that, my classes and ministry experiences also began to shape me. I was able to learn and appreciate on a deep level the importance of a knowledge about the Bible, church history, cultural studies, spiritual formation, and theology. Students and professors assisted me in defining the gifts God had given me and how to best put them into use. Along with that, I also gained a better understanding of my faults and weaknesses--and an amazement that God would love me regardless of these things. It was simultaneously the most humbling and empowering thing that had ever happened to me. Such a great responsibility.

About halfway through my degree program, I experienced some serious burnout and questioned whether I was in the right place or not, yet God's Spirit was a comfort to me even then, reminding me that God would be with me always, "even to the end of the age". From time to time it was as though God was sending me people with the exact message of hope I needed to hear for that day, a kind of "encouragement manna" just to get by. I struggled to learn how to prioritize my life and relationships, and engaged in spiritual disciplines which taught me those things I should say "no" to, so that I could say a hearty "YES" to others! I fought to let my yes be yes, and to speak the truth in love whenever it was necessary (though love may not always sound "nice"!). By this time I was being affirmed in ministry both by seminary colleagues and by my local church, and began the process of getting my District Minister's License in the Church of the Nazarene. I also became active in student government and was able to act as an advocate for students in a way I had not been able to before. At times I even did my homework!

It wasn't until my last year here that I was able to entirely comprehend myself as a pastor who was female, which I credit to the diligence of other pastors and biblical scholars who argued my case for me! Unfortunately, in many churches women are still treated as second class Christians, whose ideas are too "emotional" to be relevant and whose ministry is limited by the scope of human--often male, though sometimes female--minds. This is not the message of the New Testament as a whole, neither can it be argued from the life and ministry of Jesus himself. I do not believe that God created one sex to rule over the other, in the home, the church, or the world. And finally, finally I believe this message to be true for myself. Thanks be to God. And thanks to those who believed in me.

My entire seminary experience, with all its ups and downs, has been a life-giving and beautiful time in my life. If I died tomorrow I would not regret my choices. On this last trek through my graduate school journey, I celebrate the lessons, gifts, and challenges God has lovingly given me. This next year will bring major transitions, and I welcome them. I am excited about changes on the horizon and the ministry opportunities (paid or otherwise) which will become available to me now. May 10th will be more than just a graduation--or commencement, as many have come to call it: it is a spiritual milestone and an altar to my God.

---------------------------------

I don't really expect anyone to be excited to come to this besides my parents and Michael, but if you're reading this, and you're interested, here are the details of our various NTS Commencement Exercises (sounds tiring). I have translated them into Wendie-ese for your convenience and noted the times when you are able to join in the festivities.

Friday, May 8
10:00 am - Woman, come get your robe!
11:00 am - Grad students [apparently] need practice walking in lines
12:00 pm - Free grad lunch, free alumni spiel

Saturday, May 9
10:00 am - Grad chapel w/Jesus awards! (free, open to public at NTS)
5:30 pm - NTS fancy dinner in downtown KC ($20/ticket)

Sunday, May 10
10:45 am - My friend Josh preaches his winning sermon at KC First Church of the Naz. (also free, open to public)
3:00 pm - Woman, come get in line!
4:00 pm - I get my pomp and circumstance on at the NTS COMMENCEMENT, also at KC First Church (even more free and open to the public!)


And no, I don't have a job yet or know what I'm doing. :) The good news is that I will be able to work at the library until August if necessary. That is, if I don't decide to move to Japan or something.

A Poem for Palm Sunday

The Donkey
G. K. Chesterton

When fishes flew and forests walked
And figs grew upon thorn,
Some moment when the moon was blood
Then surely I was born;
With monstrous head and sickening cry
And ears like errant wings,
The devil's walking parody
On all four-footed things.
The tattered outlaw of the earth,
Of ancient crooked will;
Starve, scourge, deride me:
I am dumb, I keep my secret still.
One far fierce hour and sweet:
There was a shout about my ears,
And palms before my feet.

Pilgrimage to the Holy Land

Hi friends/family/random guests. It has been exactly one month since my last blog. If you had told me last month that I would be taking a spontaneous trip to the middle east for two weeks, I would never have believed you. In months and years to come I will be gratefully reflecting on this experience.

As many of you know (thanks, Mom), my prodigal passport was eventually located at 3 p.m. the day before I left for the Holy Land trip. It was really a whirlwind experience finding out that I was going to get to go--two days before! And now here I am, back at my trusty library desk, trying to put an indescribable trip into words.

The reason for this quick trip was due to a very gracious donation by a couple who had paid for the trip but weren't able to go for health reasons. I am still nearly speechless at their generosity and will always be thankful for their gift. I have come to think of it as part of the end of my seminary pilgrimage. I felt like Abraham when I was called to go to school here, and like David when I was called from the El Dorado Springs "pastures" to leadership in the Church. I felt like Timothy as I was mentored by strong Christians at NTS and Christ Community, and like Peter as I made mistakes yet knew the grace of Jesus. And this trip was an opportunity to [literally] follow in the paths of Jesus, from the peaceful scenery of Galilee to the sacrifice of the cross in Jerusalem.

What a way to end the season of Lent!

Suffice it to say that I would encourage everyone to make this pilgrimage. We have so much to learn about the Bible, and going to the holy land has a way of renewing one's excitement about Scripture, commitment to God, and understanding of the history of salvation. I have spent my whole life looking at the maps in the back of my Bible; now they are transformed into reality. And despite the recurrent conflict associated with this area of the world, there are many people living in peace. Meeting some of them was one of my favorite parts of this trip.

Some of you have already seen pictures on Facebook, but I will try to post more soon, with stories!

O, Holy Land

There's a very small chance I might get to go to Israel this week, but I won't know anything for sure until Monday afternoon.

I'm just sayin. It's possible that Jesus wants me to see his yard.


UPDATE: I am going to Israel from March 11-25! If I can find my passport...

UPDATE 2: I haven't found my passport yet and we're leaving tomorrow at 7 a.m.! Please say a prayer for my poor little prodigal passport!!

From Monks to Punk

My laptop is still not working (manfriend is still on the job) and I am in need of a stress break. Thus, on this day of 75-degree weather (I took my shoes and socks off--outside!), I think I will pay a visit to my favorite park and then attend the "From Monks to Punk" presentation at the Kansas City Public Library downtown.

And then perhaps, reading will ensue. And coffee.

Now everybody knows my business.

This Ole House

I've always liked this song, except that the last verse about the dog makes me a little sad. Here are the lyrics (with the chords via Cowboy Lyrics) if you are so inclined.

This Ole House

Recorded by Stuart Hamblen 1954 - Number 2 on Country and Western charts
Recorded by Rosemary Clooney 1954 - Number 1 on Pop charts
Lyrics and music by Stuart Hamblen

This Ole House once knew my children
This Ole House once knew my wife
This Ole House was home and comfort
As we fought the storms of life
This Ole House once rang with laughter
This Ole House heard many shouts
Now she trembles in the darkness
when the lightning walks about

Chorus:
Ain't a-gonna need this house no longer
Ain't a-gonna need this house no more
Ain't got time to fix the shingles
Ain't got time to fix the floor
Ain't got time to oil the hinges
Nor to mend no window panes
Ain't a-gonna need this house no longer
I'm a-gettin' ready to meet the Saints

This Ole House is a-gettin' shaky
This Ole House is a-gettin' old
This Ole House lets in the rain
This Ole House lets in the cold
Oh my kneew are are a-gettin' chilly
But I feel no fear nor pain
'Cause I see an angel peekin'
Through a broken window pane [Chorus]

Now This Ole House is afraid of thunder
This Ole House is afraid of storms
This Ole House just groans and trembles
When the night wind flings its arms
This Ole House is a-gettin' feeble
This Ole House is a-needin' paint
Just like me it's tuckered out
But I'm a-gettin' ready to meet the Saints [Chorus]

Now my old hound dog lies a-sleepin'
He don't know I'm gonna leave
Else he'd wake up by the fireplace
and he'd sit there and howl and grieve
But my huntin' days are over
Ain't gonna hunt the coon no more
Gabriel done brought in my chariot
when the wind blew down the door [Chorus]

Calm Things

Aveda Tea (Erin got me hooked on this!)
Writing
Michael Shane
Milk + Cookies
My Parents' House
Sigur Ros + Candles
Nature
Nice Dogs
Naps w/Blankets
Coffeehouses
Massages

Things which calm me down when life gets bleh.

Sans Computadora

My computer gave me the blue screen of death several times in the last 48 hours. This is not a good sign. I will probably only have sporadic access to the Interwebs while at work. Thankfully my brilliant manfriend is on the job!

Boo, computer.

Lenity's Lent

I haven't had a chance to think much lately about how I am going to observe Lent this year. Past ventures include going sans chocolate, coffee, sugar, fast food, movies, music (for entertainment), or television; fasting every Friday; or adding things such as more acts of service into my life. In chapel this week we were given the opportunity to talk about how we were going to observe Lent, the 40 days before Easter. It is somewhat assumed in this educational community that those studying for ministry will be doing something to reflect on this season. In the past this has been a very meaningful experience for me, but I hadn't decided on what to do yet this year. I considered some kind of special Sabbath observance, until I read this:

What has happened to LENT? Can we be formed as a people willing to suffer if we do not reflect upon the willingness of Jesus to bear our sufferings?....I certainly do not want to advocate an overly morose Lent....But we need Lent! Our forebears were wise to put its forty days into the calendar to keep us mindful of the great sacrifice of Christ and the immense love of the Father, the overwhelming grace-full - and grotesque - suffering of the Trinity. In these postmodern times, sin and failure are almost universally unacknowledged, though everyone experiences or is aware of disillusionment and despair. In response to this anguish, Lent and its fulfillment of the Promise of God's forgiveness are great gifts the Church can offer the world around it.

--Marva Dawn
Morning by Morning: Daily Meditations from the Writings of Marva J. Dawn
(excerpt from A Royal Waste of Time)

Marva Dawn is a person who can relate to those who suffer. She often writes about her physical ailments and how she has learned to know God's grace through her pain. Lent is one of those times in the Church year when I know I have a chance to reflect on the suffering of Jesus as well as the sufferings of people around the world. I want to take this seriously. As someone heavily involved in planning worship services, I cannot afford not to. I admit to not being the best at planning high-energy, jump up and down/wave your hands kinds of services, but people have thanked me before for providing them room to grieve, remember, lament, and reflect on those serious things that "blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday." My seminary experience has taught me how to better relate to those who are mourning for one thing or the other, something for which I am very grateful. Here are a few resources for thinking about Lent with children or churches, if you are so inclined.

As for me, I'm going to begin with this prayer (written by Safiyah Fosua, from the UMC GBoD site) and see where God leads me:

A Corporate Prayer of Confession for Ash Wednesday

(Based on Psalm 51:3)
Spanish Traslation by Julio R. Vargas-Vidal --Oración Comunitaria de Confesión para Miércoles de Cenizas

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.
(Psalms 51:3, NRSV)

O, God, when we pause to look back at our lives on this Ash Wednesday, we realize that we have been weighed in the balance and found wanting.

We have neglected to do good when it was in our power to do so.

We, like believers of old, have pulled down your altars
and erected idols crafted in our own image.

We have turned our backs on the poor,
choosing instead to criminalize poverty.

We have ignored the cries of the motherless, the fatherless,
the widow and the widower
choosing instead to turn children and the elderly into the new poor.

We have bankrupted the country with our greed and
consumed more than our share of the world's riches

We have not dealt honorably with our enemies or our friends,
and we have feigned a place in the company of the righteous.

Forgive us, O God, for turning sackcloth and ashes into a fashion statement
by pursuing form without substance.

Forgive us, O God, for the times we have neglected to provide our children
and our world an authentic example of Christianity.

As we begin the journey of these 40 days
Wash us, O God and we shall be clean
Cleanse us, O Lord, and we shall be made whole. Amen.

(Silence)

Words of assurance: Hear the Good News.
The LORD, our God, is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love (Joel 2:13).
God hears the earnest cries of the repentant and forgives our sins.

Welcome to My World

This is my desk at work. I am the Acquisitions person for our library and get to process all the fun new books and invoices that come in! Working at a library is actually more fun than you might think; librarians can be quite sassy. Moving to the back office (since being promoted from the front desk last fall) has made me appreciate "The Office" a little more.

I live in a house of books!